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Top, Bottom Free Child....


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We try to split the gay sm scene into top/ bottom, but the human psyche really doesn't work that way at all.

If you look at   transactional analysis you would understand why you want things that are usually thought of as top or bottom, this always falls apart when you look deeper, for example a sub has to give permission and therefore to a very large extent is in control and the theory always falls apart when you have pushy subs, the guys who dictate a scene from beginning to end and yet claim to be submissive the truth is, we all have 5 ego states and move from one to the other depending on who we're relating to and what mood we're in etc
The ego states are:

  1. controlling parent,
  2. supportive parent,
  3. adaptive child,
  4. free child and
  5. adult.

People who are more comfortably fit into the controlling parent method of behaviour are the ones who like telling people what to do and have little thought for others feelings of a supportive parent likes to encourage other people whilst being very sensible. An adaptive child like to value other peoples opinion and does things to please others, a free child is more artistic, does what he likes and can be quite selfish and thoughtless but a hoot at parties, the adult is 'Mr sensible' in all of us. the guy who is assertive, but a bit boring - the liking of frame works is your controlling parent, or adult state

We all have these five people inside us, but naturally tend towards one of them

For me, my character is a mix of free child and supportive parent. For the old sm values to work, you can only use the behaviours of controlling parent and adaptive child. People with different behaviours tend to get on with certain other people. Free child (a lot of gay men are) tends to get on with supportive parents cos they rein them in a bit while allowing them to what they want. Free child and controlling parent always argue, co the free child does what he wants and this gets on the nerves of controlling parent because he is no longer in control. The free child's love of wearing his of chains etc and a love of perv sex is the free child in you experimenting. Free child has nothing to do with being sub, and if it is its probably a pushy sub that likes getting his own way.

An  Original site Last changed on:  21 Apr 2010 13:22 +0100

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